Cigarettes = Lip Gloss

I'm addicted to Lip Gloss. It's true. I've been saying that for years, and recently I started saying that lip gloss is my cigarettes. As in, I'm addicted to lip gloss the way most people get addicted to cigarettes. But you know what? That's more true than I realized:

1. People smoke more when they are nervous or upset. I put on way more lip gloss when I'm nervous or upset. If I'm sitting there waiting for an interview or something, I'll "chain-moisturize" which is easier than chain-smoking, because you can do it indoors or anywhere. Most places don't have "No Lip Glossing" signs up.

2. People smoke more when they drink. Yes, I'll have another round--where's my lip gloss? Thank you. Sip. Where's my lip gloss? Talk, sip, where's my lip gloss? Repeat.

3. People get really crabby when they can't smoke. Don't even talk to me if I don't have my lip gloss. I have been late for work because I realized halfway there that I didn't have any lip gloss, so I turned around and went back. It's horrible, horrible I tell you.

4. People are dedicated to one brand of cigarettes. Bonnebell--MartianMallow or, as an ok alternative, MallowBerry. Yes. It's Marshmallow flavored, which sounds gross, but you'd never guess unless I told you. Mmm...it's so good...

5. Smoking can kill you. Oops, well, I guess this is where the analogy breaks down. Never mind.