Jesus Cheetoh

Just go to this link. . .that is all.

The Jesus Cheetoh

Finals Week for a Blogger: A Play in One Act

[5:50 am]

Alarm: “Be be be beep. Be be be beep. Be be be beep…”

Me: [Sitting up in bed] “Board?”

[Stagger to dresser and hit snooze button. Crawl back in bed.]

[seven minutes pass]

Alarm: “Be be be beep. Be be be beep. Be be be beep…”

Me: “Plank?”

[Stagger to dresser and hit snooze button. Crawl back in bed.]

[seven minutes pass]

Alarm: “Be be be beep. Be be be beep. Be be be beep…”

Me: “I wish my roommate didn’t use her space heater all year…I be that really hikes up our Excel bill.”

[Stagger to dresser and hit snooze button. Crawl back in bed.]

[seven minutes pass]

Me: “I guess I don’t really *need* a shower.”

[Stagger to dresser and hit snooze button. Crawl back in bed.]

[seven minutes pass]

Alarm: “Be be be beep. Be be be beep. Be be be beep…”

Me: “This would make a funny blog entry…the first thing I thought this morning was, “Board,” which made sense at the time.

[Stagger to dresser and hit snooze button. Crawl back in bed.]

[seven minutes pass]

Alarm: “Be be be beep. Be be be beep. Be be be beep…”

[Turn off alarm. Write blog entry instead of working on final papers due today which were completely blown off last night in favor of 1). Playing on the internets 2). Hanging out with people and 3). Sleeping]

[The End]

How to Fold a Shirt with Honor

Today, grasshopper, you will see how to fold a shirt with honor

I miss Kit!

There are too many things to say about the picture above, and too little internets time.

Also, look at the man in the photo below. Just look at him...
He totally looks like one of the characters in "Guess Who?"
"Does your person have . . . a white toupee?" (Follow this link and click on "Men's Styles" on the left--but only if you're prepared for Tim Allen to peer into your very soul)



















And the woman. I have seen few people who look more rodent like than this woman.

More Homeless

Best panhandler sign I've seen so far:

"Running for President: He took my job, now I want his."

I would have given that guy money, if I'd had some on me, that is.

I made up a Joke!

Q: Why should a Skydiver never assume anything?

A: Because he might jump to a conclusion.

I called my Dad this morning to tell him this joke, and was talking to my family while I got ready for work. I was nearly ready to leave, but then I couldn't find my phone...

I've had it with these snakes!*

I believe in my last post that I failed to make the connection between rubber snakes at the Conservatory and "Snakes on a Plane" By way of explanation I will reproduce (cut and paste, actually--God bless technology) an email that I received the day after the Conservatory snake throwing.

Re: Snakes on an Audience

"Hey,

I've been thinking for a while that it would be really fun/ny to buy as many rubber snakes as possible and throw them out over the audience at the first midnight showing of SoaP. Over the weekend, Amanda brought home this catalog from work (that you need to see) and they actually sell big bags of rubber snakes! For a mere $5 you can order a bag of 6 dozen 7" snakes in 6 different varieties! I plan on ordering at least two bags and I think Ben is going to get one too! That's 18 dozen, or 216 rubber snakes! August can't come soon enough."

I couldn't say it better myself: August can't come soon enough.

*Sam Jackson quote from the trailer. . .Man, what a line.

S.o.a.P, Flowers, and Clumsiness

How do Snakes on a Plane, Flowers, and Clumsiness relate, you wonder? Well dear readers, I shall tell you.

It all began with a simple trip to the Como Park Conservatory with a certain gentleman of my acquaintance.

If you live in the Twin Cities and have never visited the Conservatory, you really really ought. It is a tropical wonderland full of enormous palm trees, exotic orchids, and a pond full of real live Koi! I love going there because, well, I like plants--but also because it is such a refreshing escape from city life.

Ok, I'm done with my advertisement. On with the stories.

Well, they have recently renovated the Conservatory and added on some new rooms. I'm very excited because one new room is a rainforest room, and it's going to have animals! I have always been fascinated by the rainforest, while at the same time knowing that I'm a little too girly about bugs to want be in it for a long time. Well now, thanks to Como Park, I get the best of both worlds! There is going to be a Sloth! Sloth!

Another addition to to the Conservatory is the Gift Shop. This is not your average gift shop. . . I mean, in a way it IS your average gift shop in that they sell gifty type items. However, this is a really fun gift shop with lots of fun items.

Translation: there are a lot of toys.

My companion for the afternoon--Mister--and I spent no little time playing with puppets, animal masks, marionettes and various other amusements in the shop. Well, Mister gets the bright idea to put a giant spider on my shoulder whilst I am looking at something else.

Now, dear readers, I don't know if I have shared this with you or not, but I am TERRIFIED of spiders. It is, I know, completely irrational. I know this. I also knew, in my mind, that the spider was fake. In my mind that is. This knowledge did not prevent me from freaking out.

Mister thought he was quite funny after this.

Fortunately for me, there were two important things that I realized/remembered. 1. the gift shop had bins full of rubber snakes. 2. Mister is totally creeped out by snakes. So being the nice forgiving person that I am, I crouch down and pick out a nice icky feeling snake and throw it a few feet so that it hits Mister. He freaks out a bit and throws it back towards me. I think that my behavior is hilarious and that I have been extremely clever. In fact, I'm laughing so hard as I crouch on the floor that I lose my balance and fall over. Ha ha. the joke turned out to be on me after all.

"Anna" means full of grace. I can only assume it means the other kind.

Homeless Season

Spring brings many things to the Twin Cities, new growth, warm weather, and the re-emergence of the homeless population. Now don't get me wrong, the homeless are around all winter (somehow) but when Spring comes, there's just something in the air.

My work is located in a pretty seedy area near a couple of shelters. So far this Spring we've had to clear out a rat's nest of a homeless stash under the bush on our front lawn. Every day it would get cleaned out, and every morning there would be a new stash of garbage and junk under the bush. Until the day that a case of beer got thrown out, that is. Somehow the message got across after that, and there havn't been any more garbage sculptures out front.

Because our building is on the main walking route on the way to the shelters, we often have people come in the front door. It's always interesting to see what happens next.

Today, for example:

We hear the door open, and then nothing. My office manager (OM) has a direct view to the door, and he looks over and says, "Can I help you?"

A homeless man sans teeth comes over to our section of the the office and replies, "Actually, I was hoping you could help me." As pleasant as can be. "I was wondering if I could wash your two front windows out here."

OM: "I'm sorry, we don't really need them cleaned right now."

Homeless: with a air of outraged disbelief, "Hey man, I'm just trying to earn a dollar so I can eat."

OM: "I'm sorry, I really can't help you."

Homeless: scornfully, "What, so you're telling me you're not the American type then, huh?"

OM: understandably, has no actual reply to this

Homeless: looks around office for sense of camaraderie at his plight against this anti-American type--I am suddenly busy at my desk. Do not make eye contact, do not make eye contact.

Homeless: walks out, thoroughly disgusted with our un-American attitude.