What time does Christmas come?
I've got this brilliant idea: I'm going to write a Christmas song. Ok, go.Hmm...well, what should I write about? Santa Claus? "Santa Claus is coming soon..." nah, that's been done. "Better be good..." Oh, well, maybe another topic. Um...how about Christmas itself? Ok, sounds good. Now, what about Christmas? Erm...well, ah...Let's see. Christmas is, ah, fun? ... Christmas makes some people really crabby? No, no. Christmas means gifts and decorations and love? Too cliche. Wait, I've got it--Christmas comes this time each year! That's it, that's brilliant! It's truly a fundamental truth about Christmas, I mean, it DOES come this time each year. No, no, we don't need a tune! We'll just sort of start at a note and descend repeatedly with each word in a sort of nasally monotone. Genius, pure genius. And we'll be rich rich rich, becuase no one will realize what a lame Christmas song this is. And, after all, Christmas comes this time each year!
nice...um, tentacles.
Time spent with my family is crazy. In the best possible way. I come from a family of eight strong-willed, hot-tempered, and well, let's just come out and say it: opinionated people. I'm second, but there are ten years between my older brother and I, which effectively places me as a "oldest child" when it comes to birth order. I'm often the one trying to facilitate things like family movies, game night...and family photos.
Getting a family photo has proven very nearly IMPOSSIBLE over the years, with my older brother off in California and my youngest brother developing a very strong aversion to being photographed. Drives my poor mother crazy. So over Thanksgiving I determined that we would at least take a photo with all the family members present. Thanksgiving day would be the logical time to do so, I thought, since everyone would be dressed up. Well, various sibling threw temper-tantrums on various days until Sunday (the very last day we'd all be there) rolled around. We manage to all gather in the living room, and I set up the camera. My sister drags the extremely antisocial cat onto her lap, making my Mom and youngest brother upset that she is being mean to the cat. I tell her to let the cat go, she refuses, and I take a picture to see if everyone is lined up right.
Photo 1: Everyone but me. No one paying attention. Emily looking morbidly happy and is cuddling up to the cat, who looks as though it is counting down the hours until night when it can wake us all up with the disgusting noise of a cat hairball coming out.
I ask Emily to switch places with Nathan because her head is blocking his. She hears, "Emily, please move to the back so that your MONSTROUSLY ENORMOUS head will not dominate the whole photo," and gets offended.
photos 2-5: Elijah (the youngest child) thinks that this whole ordeal is funny, and makes faces in every photo. On threat of death, he decides to stop doing this.
photos 6-11: Nathan starts using his (superior) camera, but trips over the table and knocks the camera off-center EVERY TIME he sets the timer button.
photos 12-22: apparently the setting on the camera is waaaaaaaaay too long, because nobody can manage not to either 1. talk, or 2. turn his or her head.
photos 23-33: combined with the problems listed in photos 12-22, Elijah seems to blink at the exact moment the photo is taken, despite the camera's high-tech red eye/blinking protective flash.
after taking over 30 photos, we give up without a single decent family photo. And Elijah described my bangs as, "tentacles hanging in my face." He claims he didn't know what they were called.
Happy Thanksgiving Family!
Valuable Life Lessons
Last night I was talking to my mum on the phone. My throat hurt horribly and just walking across room used up all my energy. Anyway, so I was searching for my Vick's Vapor Rub to ease my poor throat. Now, it wouldn't matter to me if Vick's Vapor Rub has no medicinal value whatsoever--it makes me feel better, and makes me feel like I'm getting better. Well, I couldn't find it. I hate when I can't find things. I am excruciatingly organized; I know where all of my
belongings are. So I'm searching, talking, using up all my energy to no avail. Finally, I interrupt my mum to screech, "Where the Hell is my Vick's?!?" in true temper-tantrum mode (I may have stamped my foot, even). And then, lo and behold, there was my Vick's Vapor Rub in front of me. "Mom! I found it! I just learned a valuable life-lesson!" My mother recognizes the danger is supporting my tone, "what?" she asks warily. "I learned that if you have temper-tantrums you get what you want!"
Sick forever....Unless!
Dear Santa,
Hi, how are you? I hope all that crap about kids not believing in you isn't getting you down. Also, I bet it sucks how people always make such a big deal about how your name spells 'Satan' if you rearrange the letters. I mean, it's kinda cool, but probably gets old. I can spell my name backwords, or 'nana' but beyond that you've either got 'aann' 'anan' or nnaa' none of which really make sense.
Anyway, in the immortal words of Calvin, enough chit-chat. Let's get down to business. I've been really good this year. How do you determine that, anyway? Because, I mean, the truth is I haven't been good--no one has. It's the basic human condition. We're not good. So do you judge on intent then? I mean, what about the neighbor kid who burned down his parent's house? He obviously wasn't good, is he getting coal? Does blatent stupidity not count? Never mind. I've been really good this year, and I have a really really special request. I would really really like world peace.
Ok, that's not true, I just thought I'd pump up my "intended goodness" so you'll bring me what I really want: A Brand New Immune System! All the cool kids have one.
Love, annA. (see, I wrote it backwords)
I'm sick still...again...forever?
Friday: Now with a hint of food poisoning!
Holy crap, today is the ultimate definition of long and slow. I wrote boring, but then decided to change it because there was some office drama. My work is like a middle school as far as professionalism and communication. During the 'incident' there were doors slammed, and top-of-lungs yelling happened. I haven't seen anyone for over an hour now...maybe I should make sure everyone is still alive. I still have to be here for another 3.25 hours. Saints preserve me. Unless of course I do have food poisoning...again. Do you think unopened mayo can go bad if it's kept in a cupboard that gets warm enough to melt my chocolate covered almonds (dammit)? Last time I felt like this was the first weekend I moved in with my roommate and spent the whole weekend vomiting into my trash can. I may never eat Miracle Whip again. Meh....ack. I WILL NOT throw up. Wow, this is an amazing situation...can my horror of vomit counterbalance the abject misery that is work today? Would I rather vomit, or stay at work? It's one of those exaggerated phrases people use to express distate or hatred. "Ugh, I'd rather vomit..." Oh the dilemma....Would I rather vomit? This is an existential crises folks.
Wednesdays: Now with a hint of mystery!
A while ago I received a mysterious text message. This is what it said: "word from the boy w/a baby...f**k" (mom: remember, people use that word in real life)First off, I don't know any guys who are having kids, so this is either 1). a joke, or 2). a desperate plea for camaraderie. I saw it was a 608 number, which is LaCrosse (or Madison if you want to get technical). I only have one male friend from LaCrosse, so I immediately assumed it was from him, and fired off a message back that said, succinctly: "WHAT?!"After hearing nothing back for a while (which kills me--you know the phrase curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back? That should be my motto--I need to know!!!), I decided to send another message. That's when I started to realized that there are some peculiarities about this case. 1). It wasn't the cell phone number of the person who I assumed sent it. So that means if it was from him, he used someone else's cell phone--but why would you do that? 2). I don't have any idea who this* is. Could it be a joke from one of the random guys my sister and I befriended at Halloween? (I should tell that story here sometime). Did my sister finally change her number so it's not a Texas area code? Now my mind is working furiously trying to figure this out. If it wasn't a 608 number, I would be sure it was my dear friend E-train who I hung out with last night and had a conversation about sending hilarious cryptic text messages. *Cue the creepy Twilight Zone music--coincidence? I think not.* This is literally driving me crazy: I'm antsy in my chair, I keep looking at my phone to see if a new message has appeared. It beeps when I get a message, but maybe I, like, yawned or something and created a vacuum in my head so I couldn't hear it. Wow, this mystery has made approximately 2.5 hours of work time just fly by. That also means I have a lot of work sitting on my desk, and I am clearly not working right now. I should go do that. *well, I didn't want to spoil the story, but the asterisk in this entry represents the exact moment when I became enlightened. I feel foolish. Imagine with me, if you will, an alternate usage of "word" in the original message, "word from the boy w/a baby...f**k." I assumed it was a greeting as in, "Word to your mother." However, there is a less slangy, more archaic usage which means "news" or "communication," as in, "we received word of your delay." Then it hit me. It's my BFF, Giovanni. She lives in Madison and we don't regularly text each other, so she's not on my list. She is telling me that she heard from her nemesis relationship, which is very bad news, and to which, "WHAT?!" is not an appropriate response. Wow. I rule. Also, if you are my one male friend in LaCrosse (I believe the last text message I sent you said, "don't call me dude"), just keep telling yourself that I'm the funniest girl you know, and remember that I'm sorry I thought you knocked someone up.
P.S...
Did I mention that I didn't eat dinner yesterday because I 'accidentally' fell asleep at 6:00 pm? Well, I didn't eat dinner. By the way, I suppose I should clarify: I didn't accidently fall asleep at 6:00 pm. I intentionally fell asleep then, the accident comes in when I 'accidentally' didn't get back up until thirteen hours later. It was meant to be a quick nap. I had the chance to still call it a little nap three hours later when I woke up for a phone call (why that call woke me I'll never know, I had already slept through four others, and was destined to sleep through one more), but not even talking on the phone after a three hour nap was enough to rouse me from my bed. The girl slept on, and now she's very hungry.
awww man....
I knew that this morning was too good to be true. I woke up instantly with the first tones of my alarm (this is because I 'accidentally' went to sleep at 6:00 pm and therefore had been sleeping for about 13 hours). Regardless of the reason, it was a great feeling to wake up instantly and feel so refreshed. I made myself a good lunch, washed the dishes, put toast in the toaster for breakfast, and I even made my bed and cleaned up my room! Then it was time to leave for work, so I got in the car and drove to work, feeling on top of the world and already full of accomplishment. As I settled into my morning work routine, turning on lights, printers, etc. I suddenly felt a little growl in my stomach...Yes, you guessed it. I wrote that I "put toast into the toaster" but I never wrote that I ate it. Because I didn't. It's still sitting in the toaster, stone cold right now instead of sitting in my stomach filling me with peanut butter and jelly fullness. I didn't get to post yesterday because I (eep!) was actually busy working all day. Heh, imagine that. There was some office passive aggression thrown my way by another worker. I'm not going to waste my time writing about it, but let's just say that some people never get out of the 'middle school girl' stage whether female or not. So annoying.
What's in Your Head?
You know how people get songs stuck in their head? I get words stuck in my head too. For example, the word I have stuck in my head right now is "Kerfuffle" as in, "Someone had replaced all the salt with sugar, which caused a kerfuffle when the meal began." It means chaos or disorder, and I CAN"T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD. Why does this happen? Does it happen to other people? I just wake up in the morning, and the first thing that pops into my head is 'kerfuffle,' or whatever other random word it is. When you have a song, sometimes you can get rid of it by humming, or singing, or listening to it. But how do you get rid of a word? I've tried writing it, saying it, crying, and sleeping with the dictionary under my pillow, but nothing helps. Who even knows the word kerfuffle? And here I am, brushing my teeth with 'kerfuffle' bouncing around repeating over and over in my head. Please, I'll take the Macarena, I'll take Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas, I'll even take The Brady Bunch Theme Song--but can I just have something normal, please?
Work Rules Today
Oh man, this is the best day of work ever. First the giant Christmas card, and now this: I just got an order for two custom stamps. The first one is to say "Production Order," Ok, sure, whatever you want. The second one is supposed to say "Snap." Excuse me? Did you just say snap? Oh yeah. I can not possibly think what you would need a stamp that says 'snap' for, unless you imagine some bigwig lawyers sending case documents back and forth before a trial. "What? He thinks he can get her off with not guilty plea? Ha! Wait 'til he sees these documents proving that his client was in fact at the scene when the crime was committed. Awwwwww SNAP." *buzzes secretary* "Robin, stamp these 'snap' and send them back."
Christmas with Claes...
It's my job to sort the mail at my work. Now that the holidays are fast approaching, we get lots of stuff from other companies we do business with--holiday cards and whatnot. Well today there was a really large envelope, I mean, really really big. As I opened it, I figured it was a free calendar. When I pulled out the contents there was a picture that looked like a calendar, but it seemed too light. Then I realized that it was a GIANT Christmas card! Seriously, it's as tall as the calendar on my wall, just a little wider to give it the same dimensions as a card. It made my day, because there is no discernable reason whatsoever for it to be that big. It was like getting a Christmas card from Claes Oldenburg. How sweet is that, I ask you.
Uh oh...
The past 45 minutes I've been at work, the power has been out-- it wasn't my fault this time, I swear!I went on my lunchbreak, since there was nothing else to do. I was hoping to get sent home--no power + no phone calls + no faxes = no work for this chocolate milk girl. Sadly, the power is now back on. When I wrote the entry about the book Sock, I forgot to tell you the best thing I learned when I read it: FBI is not an acronym. Neither is CIA, PTA or ESL. Those are all initialisms. It's true. Go look up initialism in the dictionary if you don't believe me. The only time something is an acronym is if the letters spell a new word and are referred to by the new word. So if FBI were an acronym, we would say "FuhBee" or maybe "FuhBye" but not "EffBeeEye." Same thing with PTA: "PuhTaa" or "PuhTay" but never "PeeTeeAay" Personally, I think all those words would be a lot cooler if they were acronyms, but that's just my opinion. When I have kids, I'll go to the PuhTay meetings, and I'll know when to call an acronym an acronym. Also, I'm sure you knew that laser(Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation) was an acronym, but did you know that radar (Radio Detection and Ranging) is one too? And even more words we use every day, like hello (Human Elocution Lauditorally Locating by Orbit) and tea (Tiny Earth Atoms) might be acronyms too! Just think of all the words that might be more than one word! It's like being a little kid again, and trying to interpret your parents: "She said no...do you think she meant 'no not now', or 'no never'? Let's ask again." That's the best thing about books, you learn so much stuff that just expands your world. I'm going to go tell my boss that our company name isn't an acronym...I bet he's dying to know.
Riding Shotgun
Today I decided to discover why we have the term "shotgun" for the passenger seat of the car. I figured it had something to do with the passenger offering protection to the driver back in the cowboy days. Well, it has it's origins there, as in the 'idea' comes from the stagecoach era, but the term came from Hollywood's interpretation of the Old West. Go figure.
Here's an interesting history , and here's Wikpedia's entry, with some of the more modern connotations
The break up letter...
Dear Xanga,I hate to have to tell you like this, but it's over. I've found a new blog spot. I know I know, I should have told you instead of going behind your back, but I can't change the past. All I have now is regrets. But Blogger and I, we just click, you know? Blogger's teaching me html, and I just feel freer in this relationship. Anyway, call me sometime--maybe we can still be friends? -Anna
The Trouble with Thirsty Thursday...
The trouble is that the next day is Friday.
I over slept this morning. I woke up at 7:26, I have to leave my apartment at 7:42. That's 16 minutes for any of you who are wondering. But, amazingly, not only did I get dressed, do my hair, brush teeth etc., make a lunch, grab breakfast, spill and clean up an entire container "crunchy alfalfa sprouts-grown in Wisconsin, naturally!" and remember to bring the game I need for babysitting tonight, but I was early to work!*
My roommate, when she saw me carrying my large bright-pink "Ghost Party" boardgame, inquired if it was my day to bring a boardgame to work. Ha ha. However, when I got to work (still being half asleep) I walked halfway to my desk....carrying my large bright-pink "Ghost Party" boardgame. sweet.
*I intentionally left "put on makeup" off of the list, because due to a great move on my part, I didn't wash my face last night and my makeup still looked great. Voila!
What a great time-saving device. Too bad there's not more things I could do at night to save time in the morning, you know, like sleeping in work clothes. Maybe I'll try that Sunday night to smooth the "Monday morning/going to work sucks" transition.
Happy Birthday Lilly Michelle!
My favoritest baby in the whole wide world turns one today! I can't believe it. She's soooo cute it hurts. I'm her auntie, and I'll be really really jealous when she gets a real, actually-related-to-her auntie. When she was born, I made her a blankie, and she won't sleep without it. Whenever she sees it, she makes the monkey noise (none of us are really sure why, but the girl likes monkeys, and she likes her blankie...so what more do you need?) So, for her first birthday I'm making her a brand new monkey blankie, with monkey included! It's very cute, and should make it easier for her mom, Michelle, to wash the original monkey blankie once in a while without total chaos ensuing. Her birthday party is on Sunday. I've never gone to a 1-year-old's birthday party before, unless you count my siblings or my own--which I don't. I wonder what I should wear.....
Is it lunchtime yet?
